Most Fantasy Worlds Are Pretty Crappy, Actually

[rowyn]

I first saw this meme on Twitter via Geoge Takei, but here's the image:



And I had to stop and think: would I actually want to LIVE in any of these places?

Let's start with places I definitely don't want to go to:

* Westeros: are you INSANE? It'd be like moving to medieval England during the War of the Roses. No. Hell no. Why is this even on here?
* Camelot: Okay, now it's medieval England just BEFORE the War of Roses, which will ruin everything forever. Still hell no.
* Wonderland: I think mixing LSD and mescaline would be safer and less terrifying. Pass.
* Neverland: The fairies only liked little kids, and I am not one. So I probably wouldn't get to fly. This setting was at best rustic and primitive for adults, assuming the pirates don't get you. Pass.
* Middle Earth: Elves get to be immortal or nearly so, which is cool if you're an elf. But the general society is still rustic and primitive and I'm still going to be a human. I don't think women even get to be wizards in this world. Also, is this before or after Sauron trashes everything just prior to his defeat? Either way ... I think I have to pass.

That leaves:

* Narnia: It's been about thirty years since I read the Narnia books. The biggest plus here was the talking animals, and IIRC magic usage was not confined to a tiny number of people. I think I need a refresher course before I can decide if I'd want to live here or not. Do I get to go to perfected version of Narnia that exists after the last book or do I have to survive the war in it first? I am not sure I like my odds.
* Hogwarts: am I going to be a Muggle? Then pass. If I can learn magic -- is this before or after the final confrontation with Voldemort? If it's before, maybe I can warn Harry et al before various disasters hit. Well, Harry probably wouldn't listen. Dumbledore might, though. Anyway, this setting is slightly suckier than the real world if you can't use magic (because you will randomly get killed by Death Eaters and whatnot), and perhaps slightly better if you can, assuming you don't get tortured by Death Eaters or those happiness-devouring jailers or killed during a brutal wizard war that decimates the population. Umm.

I have the bad feeling that I'd be happier staying home. The modern world is surprisingly awesome. I think I'd probably take the Hogwarts option, though. I'd never forgive myself if I wimped out on seeing magic at ALL, just because it was dangerous and I might be horribly tortured or possessed or compelled to kill my friends or ... yeah. I don't think those were *normal* fates in the setting. Maybe. It was hard to tell. Anyway. I'd re-read both sets of books first and make sure I don't want to go for Narnia, and try Hogwarts if not. Wish me luck. I'd need it. O_O;;;

Comments

[ankewehner.livejournal.com]

RE Middle Earth and Wizards, what I gathered from comments by people who read more of Tolkien's stuff than I did, wizards aren't humans, but something like demigods or angels or so.

[octantis.livejournal.com]

Hahaha, I had been thinking the same thing! Especially frickin' Westeros! The books paint a horrifying world of death and rape, and last time I glanced at the show, a shadow monster assassin was crawling out of a woman's vagoo. Jebus cripes.

[tuftears.livejournal.com]

I'd rather live somewhere like the Culture (Iain Banks) or Star Trek/the Federation. ;) The present is good but the future could be awesome.

[terrycloth.livejournal.com]

Wonderland might be fun to visit, but you'd have to be crazy to want to live there.

Hogwarts is someplace you could commute to. It's supposed to exist in the real world.

Narnia would be interesting just for the bit where you can live your entire life there, then return to the real world and no time passed and you didn't age. So regardless of the quality of your life there, the quantity is hard to argue with.

[xyzzysqrl]

I think I could handle Wonderland. Alice was rather non-proactive and made a lot of very poor choices. I'm fairly certain I could manage better.

Meanwhile I am over here going "What, no Oz? These doors are BROKEN."

[whitefangedwolf.livejournal.com]

I reject the premise of the meme because it's pretty horrifying if you think though the ramifications.

First, let's look at the relatively inconsequential settings:

Westeros and Middle-Earth are clearly alternate realities so they can be safely ignored.

Wonderland and Neverland are places with connections to Earth but have no majorly noticeable effects.

Narnia had clear Earth ties and clear ties to real-world history. Considering the end of the Last Battle and relative ages of characters, the Narnia seen in the books is long gone and not a option for visiting. The Narnia in Aslan's Country appears to be only accessible to those from Earth who died, so carefully consider if you really want to take that option.

Now, let's look at the settings that could affect the here-and-now:

Camelot's set in an idealized fictional past. If real, theoretically King Arthur could return, according to certain legends, but so far he hasn't shown up.

The existence of Hogwarts means that the Harry Potter setting is real. The only good news is that all timeline calculations place Voldemort as being long dead. The bad news is that you are a Muggle and all of the horrible terrible nasty spells that can be used are real. Don't forget that memory-altering charms are also in effect, so anything you think you remember might not be true and valued memories may have been erased.

In conclusion, let's replace Hogwarts with Oz. Oz is nicer to visit and is isolated from the rest of the world, which causes less trouble for non-residents.

[the-gneech.livejournal.com]

That's almost exactly to-the-word what I was thinking about that post. :D Uncanny!

-TG

[jordangreywolf.livejournal.com]

The weird thing about my thinking too hard about a situation like this is much akin to "If you were granted three wishes by a djinn, what would you wish for?"

Sure, I confess that at times I've puzzled over what exactly I would wish for and how I might word it in a way that I wouldn't end up with horrible unintended consequences*, but ... hold a moment. A DJINN?! I get to meet an honest-to-goodness DJINN?! I've got to show Gwendel. This is so AWESOME! Never mind the WISHES -- I mean, if I still get them, THANKYOUSOMUCH, sure, I'll carefully consider how to use them, and be open to suggestions on how to wisely use them in a way that won't annoy the djinn or unduly take advantage of his or her generosity -- but a DJINN! Like, let me get a camera, or, oh, the place is a MESS! Have you had anything to eat in that bottle? Do you even have to worry about that sort of thing? Sorry if I'm prying. I don't know what proper etiquette applies here. I probably have some chicken thawed in the fridge. Gimme a bit to cook something up and we'll talk over supper. I have SO MANY QUESTIONS! And do you get to find out about what's going on in the outside world while you're stuck in that bottle? I mean, you have REALITY-ALTERING POWERS, I know, but the fact that you still feel grateful for someone getting you out of a bottle means that I obviously don't have the whole picture here, and ....

(* For whatever reason, one of my big over-the-top daydream wishes is some formulation along the lines of, "I wish to terraform the extra-terrestrial planets and moons of the solar system, after the fashion of the terraformed worlds in the Mutant Chronicles (but minus all the undead monsters), so that they'd be habitable by humans and plants and animals without need for artificial habitats, and without negatively altering the habitability of Earth itself in the process." Largely just because I like the idea of additional worlds to explore. I can still think of only too many ways a nasty djinn could easily twist THAT one. And then there are the implications of just how mind-bogglingly powerful a djinn must be, if such world-altering wishes would even be POSSIBLE, and the inherent frightening weirdness of the universe if I, a mere ME, were to be given the chance to wreck the solar system with a few words. And I'd have to wonder how often this happens, and what OTHER people might wish for and just how easily it could turn into a disaster of apocalyptic proportions. Blargh.)

...

[alltoseek.livejournal.com]

I think the point is we are already living in the Hogwarts' world (as muggles, obvs - those of us who are not are keeping their mouths shut).

Maybe what we need is a door leading us the fuck OUT of Hogwarts :-)

[kelloggs2066.livejournal.com]

What?

No door to Equestria?