I Fail at Life

[rowyn]

"Hi. I need to lower the difficulty level on my life."

The field analyst looks at me. "What? I'm sorry, ma'am, 'White Middle-Class Westerner' is the lowest setting we've got."

"What do you mean?" I whine. "This mission is kicking my butt. There's gotta be an easier level. Can't I get 'born rich' or something?"

"You *were* born rich. Your parents are in the top 5% of the world income bracket. Just like, oh, about a third of the population of your country."

"Oh."

"In fact, *you* are in the top 5% of the global income bracket," he adds, checking a little further on his list.

"Dammit. Why don't I feel rich?"

"No comment." The field analyst reviews his charts again. "You could re-roll as 'male', I guess. Some people say it's easier."

"Uh ... no, I don't think that'd help. The whole female thing is kinda working for me. Isn't there anything you *can* do for me?" I plead. "Maybe an easier time period?"

"What do you want? Dark Ages? Classical? Renaissance? You did say you wanted to keep the 'female' setting, didn't you?"

"Um, yeah. I was thinking maybe 'future'?"

"Sorry, early 21st century is as late as we've gotten."

"This game sucks," I whinge.

The field analyst is still reviewing my records. "What's your problem, anyway? You're 37, you're halfway through already! You've got a house and a job and retirement accounts and, geez, two boyfriends (no wonder you don't want to reroll as male). C'mon, it can't be that bad."

"But I don't wanna do my day job anymore."

"You could do the respec trial."

"But it's so haaaaaard. And what if I don't like my next pick either? I mean, I didn't do so hot the first time."

"Right." He rolls his eyes at me. "Look, we've got a zillion mini-games online, why don't you go back to playing them? I got some people from Darfur waiting to lower their difficulty so if we're done here .... "

"Yeah yeah yeah .... " I grumble and wander back to the seemingly endless mission that's making me nuts.

Stupid game devs. I bet they never even play their own game.

Comments

[level-head.livejournal.com]

There's a campaign waiting, dear friend -- and as part of the opening to THAT mini game, you'd re-classify as "Published Novelist", with the point of the campaign being "Successful Novelist". It's not all that difficult, and it would be *ahem* Novel.

The character sheet is made out, and you've got high-ranking weapons already in a pile to take up. Even familiars to help carry them, all ready to join and support you on your quest.

Pick up the dice!

===|==============/ Level Head

[rowyn]

But what about all the effort I've put towards my Championship Whiner badge? Would you have me sabotage that *now*?

[level-head.livejournal.com]

Whinot.

===|==============/ Level Head

[detroitfather.livejournal.com]

Stupid game devs. I bet they never even play their own game.

Though not in so many words, G. K. Chesterton basically opines (in Orthodoxy) that this is why he became a Christian: It was the only religion game in which the game dev conceded to play his own game.

[koogrr.livejournal.com]

I'm really wishing an obnoxious teacher in high school hadn't made me hate G.K. Chesterton. It wasn't because of anything Chesterton wrote, in fact I've lately started enjoying his stuff.

But Old Man Thompson annoyed even the Jesuits, and with his continual evocation of Chesterton-this and Chesterton-that plus OMT's offensive teaching style, his lingering hated presence eclipsed G.K. for decades for me.

[detroitfather.livejournal.com]

My wife feels much the same about my incessant references to GKC. If she ever had a chance to appreciate Chesterton, I've ruined it by now.

[koogrr.livejournal.com]

There's a MP3 of 'A Man Called Thursday', which might work as a low-effort introduction. Gen played it for me on a long drive a couple years back on my Birthday.

[rowyn]

Don't you go using logic on me! Can't you see I'm busy feeling sorry for myself here? :)

<3

[haikujaguar.livejournal.com]

You might fail-at-life by your own standards, but you win at humorous writing!

Yay!

[rowyn]

Okay, so, I guess some on the mini-games *are* kinda cool ... :)

[koogrr.livejournal.com]

I need some more EndReds on my powers... and damn, do I HAVE to take Stamina to last more than a minute on any task?

[terrycloth.livejournal.com]

Try interrupt reductions?

[rowyn]

I should totally try those for my Work Powers. I swear, all my big attacks get interrupted, like 50 times for every time they go off.

[koogrr.livejournal.com]

Oh...

DAMN!

Yeah....

[rowyn]

I think it's that skip-sleep build, that you reeeeally need Stamina if you want to keep going on less than six hours a night.

[koogrr.livejournal.com]

I thought that's what caffeine insps were for.

Mmfff... maybe I'll get Stamina.

[rowyn]

Yeah but d00d, you can't base your *build* around insps.

I mean ... can you?

[minor-architect.livejournal.com]

If the definition of "failing at life" all comes down to "having picked a bad day job," then we're both in a lot of trouble! ;-)

*hugs*

I should call you tonight. I don't think I do that enough, actually, and it sounds like we could use a good chat.

Hang in there.

[rowyn]

But you *are* doing the respec trial! How are we ever gonna convince the devs to change the game if you keep acting like existing measures are working? ;)

It'd be cool to hear from you, though. I think your phone prolly still has my old number in it, which is good 'cause that's the phone that works. I, um, still need to get my sidekick fixed. :)

[minor-architect.livejournal.com]

Trust me, if my respec trial goes badly, then the devs are definitely going to hear about it. Repeatedly.

Talk to you tonight. ;-)

[terrycloth.livejournal.com]

I'm pretty sure I missed a few key plot points twenty years back, and now I'm basically doomed to MISSION FAILED. But I'm racking up enough experience and loot that it seems worth my time to play it out.

[rowyn]

Yeah, what the heck was up with all that? You gotta make way too many choices right at the start and you have no idea what the right ones are. Oh, sure, the devs say they put in multiple "second chance" plot points for all the key ones if you mess them up early on, but I don't believe it. I bet half my problems now date back to some bugged guidance counselor NPC during high school. Stupid beta test software never shoulda gone gold ....

[tuftears.livejournal.com]

They nerfed the United States! Japan is totally imba now, and what's up with buffing the European commonwealth? They don't need buffs, the States are hurting big time here, we need some help out here! Every time we go into WSG, we get hamstringed and economically snared a hundred ways from Sunday.

[terrycloth.livejournal.com]

Yeah, but you look at what the devs are focusing their time on, and it's all about PvP.

[octantis.livejournal.com]

Meanwhile, nobody noticed China farming gold for the past 20 years or so, and now we're all OMGWTF hax.

[koogrr.livejournal.com]

Did it have to be hardcore PVP?

The respawn is atrocious and there's so much camping.

[rowyn]

Yeah, what's up with *that*? Everyone knows co-op play is totally where it's at nowadays.

[octantis.livejournal.com]

If you're tired of grinding, can I borrow your account? You can use mine... though I'm afraid I rolled a totally gimp spec.

It sounded totally reasonable at chargen to dump a lot of points into brains and artistic interest, I figured they'd synergize better. :/

[koogrr.livejournal.com]

And I thought, 'self-confidence'? Who needs that! I'll put all those points into talent and it should occur naturally.

[octantis.livejournal.com]

Yeah, turned out to be completely back-assward and you have to spec into self-confidence before the points in talent give any return. Makes no sense!

[genkitty.livejournal.com]

I'm reminded why I adore you :)

[telnar.livejournal.com]

I heard a rumor that the devs think that they nerfed professional writers too much when they introduced the internet, but they aren't sure how to fix it without all the players with only a level or two of writer complaining.

[koogrr.livejournal.com]

The other day I was thinking...

Plus, all the nerds using computer programming for a synergy bonus to overcome the lack of skill penalty with writing, that also have the level-cap in flame-war.

... not pretty.

[sythyry.livejournal.com]

Oh, dear. I hope I haven't been dropping your score too much.

Reality War

[zaimoni.livejournal.com]

I don't think I like the respec trial I got. It didn't cancel job #1, but handed me a job #2 that makes Traizaro's (Stopping The Inevitable) look easy by comparison.

Re: Reality War

[rowyn]

Oh the respec trials are a total nightmare. I've gone through the "novelist" one twice now and never made it past the "rough draft" stage. And it was tough getting even that far! I can't believe people actually finish these things and then try to claim "the system works". Sheesh.

Re: Reality War

[zaimoni.livejournal.com]

Of course a mathematician is automatically qualified as a thermodynamic chemical engineer. And you'll have realtime tutoring on the other job requirements.

Eh...right, I can half-follow Your reduction of omniscient knowledge to rational knowledge here. Especially with the "pay for instant understanding with a migraine headache" perk.

But what about the flaky subconscious scheduler? That's what's trashing job #1, can we at least upgrade it?

Sigh. Subconscious scheduler upgrade isn't on the plate.

[zorkfox.livejournal.com]

I found this to be extremely entertaining. :)

You should read this comic immediately: Dresden Codak casts Magic Missle (http://dresdencodak.com/cartoons/dc_031.htm).