Roots

[rowyn]

In the film "The Professional", one of the themes revolves around the hitman's houseplant. It's very nearly his only possession; certainly his only possession that he cares about. His apartment is remarkably barren, unadorned, except for this one plant. When asked about his affinity for it, he explains: "It's just like me." He lifts the pot, waves his hand through the air beneath it, and adds, "No roots."

At this moment, I envy him in that.

Which is silly: anyone can be rootless. All it takes is an act of will. I did it once before, when I moved from New York to Emerald City. I left behind everything in that move; some of which was eventually shipped to me, but most of which I never saw again. During the months before I had any of my possessions shipped, the only things I really missed were my CDs and my computer. Everything else, it turns out, is expendable. I have occasional regrets. And every now and then I dig out some of the old comic books, or look at some of the old things, but most of it is just ... stuff. Stuff that takes up space in the back of my closet or behind the bar or inside an armoire.

Stuff.

It doesn't matter.

But it weighs down on me like an anchor, now, in this moment, as I contemplate moving.

I don't want to stay where I am. I don't want to move to a new apartment. And I don't want to buy a house.

That pretty much covers all my options, doesn't it?

I keep bouncing back and forth, to and fro, between all these things I don't want to do.

If I stay where I am, I will be facing this question again, in a month or a year. The odds of the situation improving are very slim indeed.

If I go to a new apartment, I may not be any happier there. I'll still be at the mercy of a landlord who may or may not be any good about fixing whatever goes wrong with the place. I'll still be at the mercy of rising rents. No way of knowing.

If I buy a house, I'll have to pay all the maintenance costs myself. I'll have to worry about yardwork and repairs. And there's no way of knowing how much repairs will cost. I don't even have the option of buying a brand-new house that would likely be cheaper to maintain -- there is no new construction near my job.

Maybe I should make a list of all the pros and cons for each.

Maybe I should just keep complaining about it in my journal.

Maybe I should just make a decision and stop second-guessing myself.

Maybe I should run off to Canada and live with strangess.

*sigh*

Comments

Roots

[sandramort.livejournal.com]

No roots? I beg to differ! You have people back in NY, waiting, hoping you're going to come back! :) We still miss you lots!

And as an aside, wouldn't it be funny to run away and go be Strangess' illegal alien housekeeper? What goes around...

Roots are quirky things

[telnar.livejournal.com]

I was thinking a little about roots, both in the post’s original sense of valued possessions and in SandraMort’s sense of people who care about you and around whom you feel comfortable.

One thing which struck me was how subjective they are. I have more “stuff” thank you do by most objective measures, but I don’t think of it as rooting me much at all. In fact, you’ve seen me move half way across the country twice on three week’s notice or less (and my recent local move was considerably less provoked than the one that you are considering). I’m not sure what causes the difference in our attitudes. Perhaps it’s as simple as levels of inertia, but it might be more complex than that.

When it comes to connections to the people in a place or even just a comfort level in a place, however, I am probably more inclined to find roots than you are. It only takes a few weekend visits to a place before I feel “at home” and able to find things to do in a new city, and all hotels are about the same and allow me to become comfortable quickly. Perhaps it’s a side effect of needing to travel a lot on business, but, I’ve gotten used to being able to carry in one suitcase everything I need to feel “at home” in a strange city. For a completely different example, I spent this weekend visiting friends in London who I try to visit every year or so because I don’t want to let a silly thing like a few thousand miles get between us.

Anyway, I doubt that this is going to be of any help because these attitudes towards roots aren’t necessarily any easier to change quickly just because they are subjective. Besides, you may not want to feel less rooted by your stuff – there may be good side effects as well as the more inconvenient ones which are showing up now.

In any case, best of luck finding a solution that works well for you. I can’t fall back on my standard answer when someone angsts over a minor problem (that there might not be much difference among the reasonable choices) since there probably is a real difference among the choices here, but that said, all you can do is get enough information to make an informed choice and then move forward. I have confidence that you can get this squared away in one of a variety of ways which will end up with you better off, even if the process won’t be fun. May you at least enjoy the results.

Re: Roots

[rowyn]

Running off to be Strangess' illegal alien housekeeper would have quite a lot of allure, actually, if only I could bring Lut along with me. :) Alas, while I might be happy living in a crowded house with several housemates, I'm sure Lut would be miserable.

[jordangreywolf.livejournal.com]

Eww. Well, good luck. I just hope that your decision, whatever it is, isn't overly influenced by inertia. (I know my decisions so often are!)

[rowyn]

Mmm, inertia ....

Inertia has kept me in where I am for four years now. I think at this point, though, the forces of "this place is horrible" are overwhelming the forces of inertia, and we really will move this time.

Somewhere. I'm see-sawing back and forth between whether I want to move to, say, Whispering Lakes, or a house. I'll probably have a clearer idea of where I want to go by the end of this weekend, after I've looked at a few houses and seen the WL apartments.

[koogrr.livejournal.com]

Know what you mean, but it's strangely comforting that my 5year+ stuff is still around, just slightly harder to get at.

[octantis.livejournal.com]

Maybe a condo? It's like an apartment you own, from what I gather.

I have a lot of stuff myself, but no real roots. I find myself wishing I did, though. A little place I can call my own, to do with as I wish. Could be a house, could be a boat, could be a missile silo, could be an earthship.

The girl tells Leon that if he loves that plant, he'll plant it where it can have roots and grow, and Leon realizes it's what he wants for himself.

The only thing I envied about Leon is his voice. I wish I could talk like that. :D

[rowyn]

I wouldn't mind a condo (though they have higher fixed expenses, since you're required, for as long as you own the condo, to pay dues to the condo association). But I can't get one of those for the same reason I can't get an apartment -- there just aren't any in the area where I'm looking. My boss own a house where the homeowner's association (which, of course, has required dues) does all the exterior maintenance, which is sort of handy. But, again, it'd mean paying these people forever. The supposed "well, if you own a house you don't have to pay rent" benefit doesn't really exist. There's always going to be real estate taxes and maintenance costs on the place. :/

[tuftears.livejournal.com]

Has Lut expressed any opinion on the subject?

[rowyn]

Lut wants to move. He's got a preference for an apartment complex, I think, but he's willing to live whereever I do. He's not willing to buy a house but he's OK with the "I buy it and he rents from me" model, so long as I don't ask him to do home repairs or yard work. :)

If you're going to be a landlord ....

[telnar.livejournal.com]

If you're going to be a landlord, don't forget to price in being bothered by annoying tenants at all hours to do maintenance, then :)

Re: If you're going to be a landlord ....

[rowyn]

Lut already pesters me to call the apartment managers for maintenance. The difference here is that when I call, say, a plumber, the plumber will have immediate financial incentives to respond instead of ignoring me for weeks on end. ;)