Envy and the "Fake" Geek Girl

[rowyn]

I rented a car and went to the local renfest with my friend Corwyn this past weekend. On the ride home, he was talking about being introverted, which made me smile because he'd spent much of the time at the festival walking up to stranger to talk to them about Figments & Filaments, the costume convention that he founded and that'll be in April 2015. This is typical of my renfest experiences with him: he knows a lot of people from his many years performing there, and he talks to them and also a lot of strangers to advertise the cons he's organizing. (He also runs Contra in the fall.) "You hide your introversion a lot better than I do," I told him.

"Well, I want to perform, too. It's hard to perform for an audience when you're hiding under a rock," Corwyn said. "And it's different for you. You can show up at a con in a slinky dress and guys will line up to talk to you. If I want to talk to people I've got to do something more to get their attention."

I smiled, and started to tell him about my post on playing dress-up in response to the fake geek girl kerfluffle, because yes, I do dress up at cons to get attention. And then it struck me that perhaps he had accidentally hit on the underlying reason for the animosity against "fake geek girls". Maybe it has nothing to do with being mad at women for not giving them sex, or misogyny, or protecting their fiefdom against sinister feminine wiles. Maybe they're envious -- not of the woman herself, but of the attention she gets.

Let me be clear: there was no rancor whatsoever in Corwyn's statement that 'all you need to do is show up in a cute outfit'. And it's completely accurate: I don't even need to work hard at assembling an outfit (although I have done so for some of them). I remember a half-dozen guys at one con wanting a picture of me in my $10 Walmart swimsuit. This is the privilege -- a sometimes-undesired privilege, but one nonetheless -- of being female in a male-dominated hobby. And to someone who's spent years volunteering at conventions or honing their art skills or even just getting all the l33t gear for the WoW character, it must be frustrating to see a woman walk in wearing a bathing suit patterned after a Wonder Woman costume, and have her be the person everyone's interested in. Isn't this supposed to be the space where their own skills are supposed to be important, supposed to be noticed and admired? And it's still not.

I certainly don't think this justifies the ill-will, or means that women ought not do cosplay (or even ought to put a minimum level of effort into their cosplay).

But it is sad and kind of messed-up, that it really is less effort for me to get attention than it is for Corwyn, through no virtue on my part or flaw on his.

Comments

[tuftears.livejournal.com]

Makes me wonder though, is the reverse (ease of getting attention) true in a female-dominated fandom? I seem to recall there are such-- Beauty and the Beast (TV show) fandom maybe?

[haikujaguar.livejournal.com]

Attractive young men in anime fandom, perhaps.

[rowyn]

I think it's true to some degree, like male dancers or quilters get a lot of attention. But I'm not sure how pronounced the effect is.

[tuftears.livejournal.com]

Male dancers? What sort of dancing is this?

[rowyn]

Any sort of dancing! Women in America are much more likely to dance (as amateurs or professionals) than men, so men who like to dance get more attention than women who dance.

[sebkha.livejournal.com]

If you believe the OKCupid data, outside of fandom-specific gender skew, men start to have an easier time than women at getting attention once they're approaching their 30s.

[rowyn]

I wonder if (perceived) income and/or stability is a factor in that?

[(Anonymous)]

My guess would be that it's more deeply biological -- fertility and virility have different shelf lives.

[the-gneech.livejournal.com]

People are complex, and I have no doubt there are lots of people (of whatever gender) for whom it's certainly true. I have problems with the whole "sexy cosplay" thing myself, not because I object to sex, cosplay, or women being in geeky spaces; I actually very much like all of those things. ^.^' But I object to the way sex trumps everything else; it's the same reason I don't do adult art. It's like the dark side of the force– once you start down that path, it quickly takes over, so to speak.

I see it at Dragon*Con every year: gals in gorgeous elaborate steampunk gowns getting shoved aside (metaphorically, at least usually) so people can gawk at the Mystique whose costume is strategically-placed latex appliques and body paint.

On the other hand, if I am honest... well... if I was a woman who could pull it off, I'd totally be that Mystique myself. I don't resent her, I resent that I can't BE her.

How many geeks have spent their lives being, or feeling like they were, the opposite of attractive? But if we were attractive, would we still end up as geeks? Attractive people are treated differently from everyone else starting on they day they're born; I tried to address some of this in Suburban Jungle, especially with Conrad. Spoiled behavior and entitlement shoring up a vast chasm of imposter syndrome, compared to obsessiveness and lack of empathy and social graces on the other end of the spectrum, etc.

I'm sorry if this is incoherent; I'm tired and this is a topic about which I've got much baggage. ^.^' And I know that there are some very attractive geeks– and some very geeky attractive people. ;) For the record, I do my best to be appropriately-appreciative and welcoming to everyone.

-The Gneech

[whitefangedwolf.livejournal.com]

I think you've hit on something. I wonder how much of the "fake geek girl" accusations come from people who grew up not feeling welcome among the attractive people, found various fandoms as a place of camaraderie, and perceive the "fake geek girls" as attention-seeking invaders who aren't really interested in the fandoms.

[haikujaguar.livejournal.com]

Nah, I agree with whitefangedwolf that you're on to something. I think it's as simple as people being grumpy because attractive people get attention. There aren't all that many drop-dead sexy dudes in skintight costumes wandering around cons, but when you see them, they get mobbed too. (And the poet types who are attractive, with the long hair, rail-thin bodies with elegant hands, and smart outfits, they get people throwing themselves at them too.)

[whitefangedwolf.livejournal.com]

I think there's also an underlying resentment for attractive people "stealing attention" in the one area where they feel they can feel attractive. It's a bit like people with professional-level skills competing in an event for amateurs; they may have full right to be there and even intend no harm, but there will be amateurs who could have shined if they weren't there and will hate them for it.