Cred Check

[rowyn]

The little slice of the blogosphere that I watch has been writing about a quiz crafter by Lisa Morton, purporting to sort professional writers from hobbyists. In her commentary, ursulav asked "Do professional accountants get this kind of crap?"

And this made me think about the areas in my life where my credentials have and have not been questioned.

Areas where I've been questioned:
* Am I a real woman?: This never happens in person and hasn't happened much if at all in the last 15+ years. But in the pre-Web days of the Internet, I got this all the time. I remember on one MUD where one particular guy asked every single alt I had, and then threatened that he'd try to get me banned for having alts when I commented on it. (Answer, yes, I am).
* A real geek? I don't even know what this means.
* A real comics fan? I used to be keen on the Marvel mutants, but I stopped buying comic books 16+ years ago. I still buy graphic novels on occasion and I read a number of webcomics. So this depends on what you mean by 'comics'.
* A real cosplayer? No, I just like to dress strangely at any venue with a reasonable tolerance for unusual attire. I don't costume in the sense of mimicking a particular character.
* A real gamer? Yes. I've even been known to drag my boyfriend to gaming events at times, although all of my SOs have also been gamers. Board games and mindless puzzle games are my favorites.
* A real writer? These are real words that I am really writing, so I guess so? I don't get paid for it and I am not a professional, however. This is my hobby.
* Really bisexual? Yes. Really.

Areas where I do not get questioned:
* Am I a real artist? I am not. I am not sure why I see a lot more "real writer" cred-checks than "real artist" ones. I don't know if illustrators (the sort of art and artists I see a lot of) are less hung up on this thing than writers, or if it's just that I'm not diligent about drawing even as a hobby, so no one asks.
* At my actual job. Despite not being qualified for half the stuff I end up doing at the bank (sure, I'll write and maintain your VBA code! why not?), no one at my job ever questions my ability. If I really can't even fake doing something, I always have to tell them because they won't ask. I have no idea why this is.
* A real furry? Technically, I can remember one person saying I wasn't, but he wasn't serious. I've never had a furry try to exclude me. (I am at the periphery of the fandom these days but still a furry).
* Really polyamorous? I don't know why 'poly' gets less doubt than 'bi', but it does. (Yes, I'm poly.)

I'm not sure where I'm going with this, but I thought it was interesting to reflect on what parts of my life inspire sufficient disbelief that some people feel a need to question me about it. I don't even know what the difference is, really; it all seems quite arbitrary. What do you get cred-checked on?

Comments

[rowyn]

It's more like:

"How can you say you're attracted to women? You're dating a guy."

"Yes, I'm bisexual."

"But you've only dated men."

"So far, yes."*

"Have you ever had sex with a woman?"

"Not yet."*

"So you're not *really* bi."

"... how does that follow? I think I know who I find attractive. Better than you do."

"Well, you haven't done it yet so you don't know. You're just bi-curious."

"WTF does this EVER happen to straight people who are virgins? 'You don't KNOW you're straight, you're just straight-curious.'" x_x

* Neither of these are true any more, but I mostly had this conversation when both were true.

There's also the "bisexuals don't really exist, they're all either closet homosexuals or misleading hapless gay people to fulfill some straight-person fantasy" or some other BS that makes no sense to me. :/

[jordangreywolf.livejournal.com]

Okay, I think I can see why this would happen. Doesn't mean it's right or fair, but I can see.

Imagine this: I tell you that I am 1/16th French. I don't sound French at all. I'm not sure what "looking French" looks like, but I don't necessarily LOOK French in any distinctive way. I don't really have a French-sounding name, either. But, hey, it's just a silly little trivial thing. Right now, I figure that it's probably not going to have much of an impact on anything, though I might prompt some silly friends to start putting on bad accents around me or pretending to be mimes in an attempt at jest.

Imagine this, then: I tell you that I am 1/16th Sioux. (Or, rather, Nakota, Lakota, or Dakota, since "Sioux" is, I am told, a pejorative name applied by outsiders that just STUCK -- but all I really know about my Great-Great-Grandmother from the family tree book is that she was from a "Sioux" tribe, let's say.) You take a glance at me and you can't imagine a DROP of Native American blood in me. My claim might make the conversation a bit awkward. (What the heck is this guy trying to prove?)

Why? I think it's because there is, in our current culture, a certain value ascribed to being able to claim to be members of certain groups that are seen as oppressed or discriminated against -- especially if the oppression or discrimination is reasonably tolerable (i.e., admitting it won't have you dragged from your bed screaming in the middle of the night, whereupon you're never seen again, and you don't personally associate with people who'd hold it against you).

Is Johnny Depp "Cherokee enough" to play Tonto? Is Elizabeth Warren able to "legitimately" claim Native American heritage? And if so, what does that really mean? But apparently there is something seen as VALUE in being able to claim such a thing -- and as such, certain other people feel the impulse to CHALLENGE it. (I.e., should someone of more authentic Native American heritage played that role? Did Elizabeth Warren benefit unfairly by being able to claim to be Native American when applying for college, due to set-asides meant to address prior transgressions of the American people against the Native Americans already here?)

Similarly, while in certain parts of America, admitting to be "bi" or "gay" or anything other than heterosexual might make some folks uncomfortable and not get you invited to certain house parties, in others it's sort of like a "badge of diversity," where someone you know can claim, "Why, some of my best FRIENDS are (bi, gay, etc.)" in an attempt at claiming progressive credentials. However, if you can claim that YOU ARE bi, gay, etc., that's one even better, from a certain point of view, right?

Hence, I can see why someone might get all ruffled up about it. Anyone could just CLAIM to be bisexual, right? I could CLAIM to be "nonpracticing gay," or something like that. In our current culture, by contrast, I think there's really little to be gained right now for announcing that you're "hetero and proud" in mixed company. At least, not in any mixed company I deal with on a regular basis.

Some folks might be just fine with your declaration: more the merrier, glad to have you aboard, etc. But say something CONTRARY (e.g., "I'm gay, but I don't think enforcing gay marriage at the federal level is a good idea"), and someone might have the impulse to question your credentials in the course of things.

Just my theory, anyway.

[rowyn]

It's something like that, but on a different order -- I think saying "I'm bisexual" is seen in some circles as a claim to advantages in relationships, like it's something women to say to appeal to men even though they're not actually bi. I have no idea if this is a real thing or not.

And there's some bitterness associated with 'bi-curious' (although how a breakup of 'so she can date a GUY' is any worse than any other breakup is beyond me).

It's still really irritating to have people smugly assume they know more about my preferences than I do, though. Especially the "smug" part. Gah.