C.L.O.S.E.
Dec. 11th, 2002 05:28 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
rowynI had a nightmare this morning.
I was diagnosed as having a slightly contagious and probably lethatl auto-immune disorder, acronymed "CLOSE." (Pronounced as in "close only counts in horsehoes and handgrenades"). I had recently heard about this disorder through Greywolf's Livejournal, whre he was writing about how "things could be worse, at least I don't have this". Only well after I woke up did I realize I had dreamed that part, too.
In the dream, Greywolf was giving me a ride to the doctor when he found out I had this disease. He got very uneasy and told me I shouldn't be around people any more, because I might give them it. I remember feeling angry and abandoned, and wondering if he was right. I kept wanting to go home and Google the disorder, try to find out more about it. [As a sidenote, the idea of being abandoned by Greywolf, of all people, because of an illness is especially odd, given that I've known him for over 10 years, but never met him in person, and the only kind of sickness I could possibly give him is a computer virus.]
Shortly thereafter, 'my' life in the dream ceased to resemble my RL in any way. My name was "Maggie" and there were people around me that the dream identified as my mother, my boyfriend, and another friend. None of them looked or acted like their waking-world counterparts. I was getting very tired. I was trying to grow herbs that could be used to treat my disorder, because I was running out of money. My mother was living with me and my boyfriend in a tiny one-room cottage. They were fighting. My mother said I should grow something that could raise money. My boyfriend kept saying "Where? Where? In /your/ bed? There's no room!" I had the bague feeling that I had formerly practiced witchcraft. The argument seemed to be coming from a very long way away. I felt so detached.
I was either sleeping or not lucid for most of the time after that. There were pages on a calendar that showed me in my few lucid moments. Never more than one or two days a month. My boyfriend would take pictures of me and try to cheer me up, but underneath I could tell there was a terrible sorrow in him. I was horrified by the passage of time. A whole year went by and I was barely aware of it.
Finally, I woke up. I am terribly relieved to learn that there is no such disorder. :)
And, on the bright side, my back (I wrenched it Monday night) hurts WAY less than it did yesterday. Woohoo! Still hurts, but I don't feel like some kind of strange monster lurching about the house anymroe. :)
I was diagnosed as having a slightly contagious and probably lethatl auto-immune disorder, acronymed "CLOSE." (Pronounced as in "close only counts in horsehoes and handgrenades"). I had recently heard about this disorder through Greywolf's Livejournal, whre he was writing about how "things could be worse, at least I don't have this". Only well after I woke up did I realize I had dreamed that part, too.
In the dream, Greywolf was giving me a ride to the doctor when he found out I had this disease. He got very uneasy and told me I shouldn't be around people any more, because I might give them it. I remember feeling angry and abandoned, and wondering if he was right. I kept wanting to go home and Google the disorder, try to find out more about it. [As a sidenote, the idea of being abandoned by Greywolf, of all people, because of an illness is especially odd, given that I've known him for over 10 years, but never met him in person, and the only kind of sickness I could possibly give him is a computer virus.]
Shortly thereafter, 'my' life in the dream ceased to resemble my RL in any way. My name was "Maggie" and there were people around me that the dream identified as my mother, my boyfriend, and another friend. None of them looked or acted like their waking-world counterparts. I was getting very tired. I was trying to grow herbs that could be used to treat my disorder, because I was running out of money. My mother was living with me and my boyfriend in a tiny one-room cottage. They were fighting. My mother said I should grow something that could raise money. My boyfriend kept saying "Where? Where? In /your/ bed? There's no room!" I had the bague feeling that I had formerly practiced witchcraft. The argument seemed to be coming from a very long way away. I felt so detached.
I was either sleeping or not lucid for most of the time after that. There were pages on a calendar that showed me in my few lucid moments. Never more than one or two days a month. My boyfriend would take pictures of me and try to cheer me up, but underneath I could tell there was a terrible sorrow in him. I was horrified by the passage of time. A whole year went by and I was barely aware of it.
Finally, I woke up. I am terribly relieved to learn that there is no such disorder. :)
And, on the bright side, my back (I wrenched it Monday night) hurts WAY less than it did yesterday. Woohoo! Still hurts, but I don't feel like some kind of strange monster lurching about the house anymroe. :)
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
You dreamed you were Maggie?
Date: 2002-12-11 06:56 am (UTC)Re: You dreamed you were Maggie?
Date: 2002-12-11 01:48 pm (UTC)Re: You dreamed you were Maggie?
no subject
Date: 2002-12-12 09:09 am (UTC)Obligatory Dream Interpretation
Date: 2002-12-16 06:02 pm (UTC)Greywolf represents a cynical and non-social side of you. The disease represents an aspect of your interactions with others, specifically CLOSEness (intimacy). It's possible that you bear inner conflict because a small part of you feels that your interactions with people who are close to you will somehow "infect" them with your own unique problems. I'm not sure what those problems are. They may be something you're aware of, but they're more likely just beneath your daily awareness. These are possibly unresolved issues with self.
In the second part of the dream, you seem to dissociate from yourself, which strengthens the probability that this apparent anxiety has to do with self-perception issues. Your mother's insistance on growing things to earn money suggests she represents a part of you that places immediate needs over quality of life issues. You may be struggling mentally between two ideals: doing things that make you happy and mentally healthy, vs. doing things because you're expected to by family and/or society. The boyfriend's anxiety suggests that this internal conflict may extend to your sexuality. This is nothing too special--it is common for any mental conflict, in particular one which is directly related to intimacy.
However, none of this really jives with my understanding of you as a person. My knowledge of you suggests that you're rather laid-back about life's problems most of the time, and you're comfortable just being yourself and doing what pleases you rather than trying to satisfy others. I may be misinterpreting the whole dream. But I'm limited to what seems most obvious, which is the above.
Trickster
Hmmm.
Date: 2002-12-16 06:14 pm (UTC)Re: Hmmm.
Date: 2002-12-16 06:33 pm (UTC)If you have one you want me to look at, just send the link to your journal page to my email address (trickster@anthrodiversity.org). Unfortunately I don't have time to check LJ that often, these days.
Trickster