I Fail at Life

"Hi. I need to lower the difficulty level on my life."

The field analyst looks at me. "What? I'm sorry, ma'am, 'White Middle-Class Westerner' is the lowest setting we've got."

"What do you mean?" I whine. "This mission is kicking my butt. There's gotta be an easier level. Can't I get 'born rich' or something?"

"You *were* born rich. Your parents are in the top 5% of the world income bracket. Just like, oh, about a third of the population of your country."

"Oh."

"In fact, *you* are in the top 5% of the global income bracket," he adds, checking a little further on his list.

"Dammit. Why don't I feel rich?"

"No comment." The field analyst reviews his charts again. "You could re-roll as 'male', I guess. Some people say it's easier."

"Uh ... no, I don't think that'd help. The whole female thing is kinda working for me. Isn't there anything you *can* do for me?" I plead. "Maybe an easier time period?"

"What do you want? Dark Ages? Classical? Renaissance? You did say you wanted to keep the 'female' setting, didn't you?"

"Um, yeah. I was thinking maybe 'future'?"

"Sorry, early 21st century is as late as we've gotten."

"This game sucks," I whinge.

The field analyst is still reviewing my records. "What's your problem, anyway? You're 37, you're halfway through already! You've got a house and a job and retirement accounts and, geez, two boyfriends (no wonder you don't want to reroll as male). C'mon, it can't be that bad."

"But I don't wanna do my day job anymore."

"You could do the respec trial."

"But it's so haaaaaard. And what if I don't like my next pick either? I mean, I didn't do so hot the first time."

"Right." He rolls his eyes at me. "Look, we've got a zillion mini-games online, why don't you go back to playing them? I got some people from Darfur waiting to lower their difficulty so if we're done here .... "

"Yeah yeah yeah .... " I grumble and wander back to the seemingly endless mission that's making me nuts.

Stupid game devs. I bet they never even play their own game.