Writing Exercise: Bad descriptions

[rowyn]

level_head said to me that my "writing badly" exercises so far have all been well-written, and accordingly, he was not convinced that writing badly was something I was even capable of. I'm doing these exercises all wrong! *cries* ;_;

And this is my last chance! So I'm going to do my very best ... er ... very worst on this one. The genre is "badly written @descs".

You are looking at a human. She is a womn. She is bloned. Her hair iss long. It is over her ears. She is long-legd. She is short. She is very thin. She is big-chestde. She is browne-eyd. Her eys are ey-shaped. Heer face is angular. She is very tall. She has a mouth. She has two lisp. Her cheeks are round. Shee is white-skinned, except where she is tan. She is clothed. In clothing. She is curvey. You arr thinking she is very very very beutifull. You are seen by her. You are being smiled t by her. She is very very very beutifull. HEr mouth is red. She is black-haired. Her teeth are whit. Her feet are smaell. Her fet are in high-HEeled sandals. Her breasts are big. There is desire in you to have sex wth her. Her thigh-high boots are sexy. She is VERY VERY VERy SExy. You are very very very much in love with her. She is aaverage hite.

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All right. I hope the above satisfies everyone that I can write badly, because I don't think I can do much more of that.

(I was originally going to do a desc with run-on sentences and misspellings, inaccurately-used big words, lots more reader-hijacking, etc. But I thought that would probably be too entertaining to qualify as authentically "bad". Plus, I don't think I could come up with a reader-hijacking better than Chip Unicorn's "Upon seeing this character, you immediately perform three bank robberies, give your ill-gotten gains to the Libertarian Party, then work as an Elvis impersonator in Vegas.")

Comments

Re:

[jordangreywolf.livejournal.com]

Obscure fan-jargon. A decade or so ago, there was a fanzine that was put out by a fellow who was known for drawing females with comically unreasonable proportions - but it wasn't meant to be comical. This factor seemed to just get worse and worse in his artwork. For a while, in certain small circles, the phenomenon - whenever anyone else seemed to sport the same progressive problem in his depiction of female characters in illustration - was referred to as "Alstonitis".

Re:

[rowyn]

Ohhhhhhh.

I'm familiar with the syndrome. I even read Polymer City Chronicles. ;)