Little Shop Vac of Horrors

[rowyn]

Shop vacuums, like quite a few tools I suppose, exist to solve problems you wish you didn't have. Things you can do with a shop vac:

1. Suck water out of the carpet in your basement after it floods.
Can't really recommend this. For one thing, it's a very slow process, trying to vacuum water out of a carpet. And there's always rather a lot of water left in the carpet that you have to let air-dry, because the vac can't suck it up. But it will dry much faster if you vacuum most of the water out. Really. Much faster. Still, I'd have to recommend not having a basement that floods. Or, barring that, not putting carpet in your flood-prone basement.

2. Jury-rig to pump out water when your sump pump stops working unexpectedly.

A vacuum is not a pump. This is better than using a mop and pail while the water level rises, but still ... not fun.

3. Vacuuming up spiders.

Now this, on the other hand, is rather fun.

The spiders in my basement have taken ruthless advantage of the hospitality I had extended them. The truth is, I don't like spiders, or insects. They scare me. I realize I am much larger and more dangerous than your average spider or millipede, but they still freak me out. Last night, as I attempted to go out the basement door, I realized that it had been nearly webbed over by at least three different spiders. I retreated, and resolved to launch a counterattack the next day.

Tonight, I made my move.

"Lut .... "

All right, granted, my move was to ask Lut to kill the spiders. Still, I did the asking! That's action.

Lut went down stairs, un-jury-rigged the shop vac and reassembled it as a shop vac, and handed the end to me. "Go on. Vacuum them up."

The shop vac has many advantages over a paper towel or a rolled-up newspaper. For one, you never have to get your limbs anywhere near the spider. You reach out with the wand and -- shwoop! Into the vac the spider goes! If the spider tries to run, you follow it with the vac and -- shwoop! Want those spiderwebs gone, too? Shwoop! Shwoop!

After I was done vacuuming them up, Lut started back up the stairs. "Wait," I said.

"Wait for what?"

"What if they're not dead?"

"They're vacuumed up. Trust me, they're dead."

I look nervously at the shop vac.

"What do you want me to do? Open it up and reassemble spider parts to prove to you they're dead? 'I think this thorax goes with that abdomen'."

"I'll drown them." I open the now cleared basement door.

"With what?"

"The hose. Will you help me get the vac out so I can drain it outside when I'm done?"

So Lut wrestled the vac out the back door while I poured water down the vacuum hose.

You know how it goes.

Make sure the monster is dead.

---

Next to me, Lut is playing World of Warcraft. I glanced over. "What's that?"

Lut: "It was a spider." His character runs high along a hillside to avoid it. "However, I don't have a shop vac. That's why I'm running away from it."

Comments

[octantis.livejournal.com]

Where's the love?????

I can't blame you, though. :D But rest assured, any spider that gets sucked up by a vacuum is dead, and doesn't need to be drowned. They're very fragile creatures, and the smashing they take in the vacuum pretty much kills them instantly.

Lut's comment at the end made me laugh.

I hate spiders too...

[howardtayler.livejournal.com]

I'm with you, Rowyn. I detest spiders. Once in a while my drawing will get interrupted because I'll see one working its way across the wall in my sanctum sanctorum, the office where I breathe life into Schlock, breathe out threatenings in my email, and blow hot air into my forums (gotta keep 'em inflated, or they'll collapse!).

Usually the course of action is to holler and have Sandra take care of them. Sometimes she's asleep, and I find myself looking for something I can swat with that is both long enough to keep me out of range (hey, I've SEEN Spider-Man 2, I know what spider powers they keep in reserve) and unlikely to put a hole in the wall.

Sounds like I need an always-hooked-up Shop-Vac down here. Kick the on switch, thrill in the ommminous hummm, and then suck 'em right into oblivion.

--Howard
I'll likely regret having put the phrase "suck 'em right into oblivion" in print with my name on it.

[detroitfather.livejournal.com]

Am am proud of myself that, after reading only Use #1, and not having yet seen your username, I guessed it was you.

I guess if I see a post about wet basements, you are my first suspect. =^)

They had people eat big spiders on Fear Factor last night. That is one of the stunts I think I could have done. Once when I was a high school teacher, as a bet, and to raise money for the Youth for Christ club, I ate a live cricket in front of my class. It was not that bad.

[the-vulture.livejournal.com]

Poor lil' creepy crawlies... They're just doing their thing ridding the world of nasty insects. It's not their fault that they look scary. They're so misunderstood. And you, you big meanie, just suck them to death. (I'm trying for payback after the comment about my ex-hair. (silly grin))

I wonder if a shop vac, like a vacuum cleaner, can be used to inflate things...

[jamesb]

Just how big are these spiders?

The Huntsman Spiders (not a good link to click if you don't like spiders) that I have in my house probably wouldn't fit down the average vacuum cleaner hose unless they were in a disassembled state ... and they'd give the big hose on the Shop Vac a run for its money.

[oceansedge.livejournal.com]

Hehehe.... I used to do that with wasps when they got in the house, for the very same reason.... with a long wand, ya don't have to get anywhere near them.

A slightly more reasonable response than hiding under the desk.

Spiders = ewwww

[openheartsoftly.livejournal.com]

I don't like spiders.

All spiders are big spiders, there are no small spiders.

I do not know why.

I was told that scorpions can be killed via rubbing alcohol. I hope it's true cause since the day I came in need of such information, I always have some available.

I figure I can pour it into a squirt gun and shoot it from a distance.

I've also used aerosol deodorant to stop a cricket invasion. Suave baby powder fresh scented - even...

Have the best

[sandramort.livejournal.com]

I have plans for my shop vac when I get home. We're using it to clean the yard up from all the cicada corpses. We couldn't think of a better way...

Oh, and I was thinking about you. My day care person called me to tell me that my basement is probably flooded. Not much I can do from NY! Oh, well. I'll know tomorrow.

[tuftears.livejournal.com]

*pictures a WoW character running around with a giant shopvac*

[brennabat.livejournal.com]

Lately I've been getting all kinds of uninvited guests in to the house due to the gap around teh air conditioner. A great many of these being spiders. Now, you know me Rowan. I fled in terror at that large spider in Kagetsume's place. But lately I've been trying to make an effort not to kill the little ones even if I can. Unless they're bungy jumping infront of my face like they like to do, that is. I have two on the payroll webbing up a lamp to catch the flying critters. It seems the more you resist the urge to smash them the more tolerant you become. Or at least that's how its been for me.