August in Review

[rowyn]

Health/Fitness
I've been eating a healthier dinner lately (featuring actual vegetables!) and maybe eating slightly less junkfood. Very slightly. I may've lost a pound or two. Not clear.

Writing
I've been working on a third novella for my untitled Paradise collection. It went okay for the first 20% or so, but has really bogged down on a case of I Don' Wanna. I haven't given up: technically I keep adding a little to it every day. But it is only crawling along.

It is basically impossible for me to distinguish between "this is a terrible idea and I should give up" and "this is fine and you're just being afflicted by typical writing blahs". Maybe I should run it by some beta readers. Anyone want to read about 10,000 words of unfinished novella and an outline of the rest? And also possibly listen to me whinge on about my uncertainties?

The Business of Writing
There are some business-y things I should do, like flesh out my author profiles in various places and link them to the places I am actually active (ie, LJ and Twitter). And update my LJ profile to mention that oh yeah I wrote a book.

I have not done any of these. I have been mostly trying to produce my next book instead. And not doing a great job of it.

Art/Other
I did some headers. Apparently a month's worth, because I still have three weeks of buffer left, just like I did at the end of July.

I did a couple of drawings at Panera, too.

Gaming Still tending my virtual garden in ARK, still playing boardgames with terrycloth and alinsa on weeknights. Not much else. I think wistfully about roleplay, either starting a new game or trying to revive one of my dead games, but I am pretty sure I don't have the energy/commitment for it.

Socializing
I barely left the house this month, outside of work. I only made it Panera once to draw, even.

Happiness
I am depressed. You can probably tell this from the rest of the update. One might argue that I am depressed because of my progress or lack thereof: dissatisfied with story, not enough art, not enough gaming, whatever. I suspect the converse is more accurate: I'm not getting as much done and not as happy about it because I am depressed. Maybe I am sad because RA's sales are slowing down. It's possible. It seems more likely that I am sad because my brain does that sometimes, and while my brain likes to come up with explanations other than "because chemistry", that does not make them true.

I've been down for much of the month. Today is better than the last few days have been. (Yay, weekend!) But the last three weeks or so have been a struggle. This last week in particular I've been hitting the "I don't want to do anything so I might as well be at work" point. All I want to do is sleep. Or possibly eat a gallon of ice cream.

Anyway. I've gotten past the "let's pretend this isn't happening and maybe it will stop" stage, and now I am going through the "let's acknowledge it but try not to dwell on it" stage.

All shall be well, and all manner of thing shall be well.

Comments

[tuftears.livejournal.com]

Feel free to whine on my shoulder/share beta-reading stuff. Just so you know, my advice is 'moar greatcats'. Maybe you should commission someone to make a felt Anthser.

[purplefrog26.livejournal.com]

If you really would like another pair of eyes on it. I have time this weekend. My email is my user name at yahoo

[jordangreywolf.livejournal.com]

I hope and pray you can beat the depression. I don't have any useful advice on that front. Sometimes I'll be in a bit of a mode like that -- and I can't even think of any particular reason WHY -- and I just try to make a point of getting to bed at a decent hour (maybe a little earlier than usual), and wasting less time in the evening going through my useless internet loop routine of checking email/forums/sites that I could easily put off until tomorrow if I had any sense.

(For whatever reason, if I try to accomplish "get more sleep" by going to bed normal/late, but sleeping IN -- on a weekend, of course -- it only seems to make things WORSE. I've got no logical explanation for that, so it might just be me. Or maybe I'm just wired to feel guilty/depressed about wasting a perfectly good weekend morning. Okay, so maybe it's not entirely "illogical." ;) )

I envy you getting out to Panera and doing some drawings. I haven't managed that much. So, hey, you seem like you're getting some stuff done to ME, at least. :)

[danceswithlife]

I love your novel. I've read it twice, and am re-reading it when you post it. I ADORE your illustrations. They are elegant and beautiful and so descriptive of your story. If it's ever an audiobook I will listen to it again and again. And I will read anything new you publish.

[argonel.livejournal.com]

From an entirely unqualified and mostly uninvolved point of view it certainly sounds like minor depression. I wonder if Vitamin D/sunlight would reverse the trend or if stronger measures would be required.

[gnibbles.livejournal.com]

*squirmy wormy* *snuggle cat*

[octantis.livejournal.com]

Well blargh. I'm gonna try to do a thing I keep meaning to anyway. Will be in touch.

[archangelbeth]

Good luck. I'd be suspicious of Chemistry as well. (Does going for walks outside help?)

[sythyry.livejournal.com]

I would be glad to β your novella

[terrycloth.livejournal.com]

Um... get well soon?

I might as well read over your novella, since I'm probably going to hear you bitch about it anyway.

[elbren]

I'd love to read the work-in-progress.

the voice of my limited experience: if you're early enough in the depression onset that you can, please do everything you can manage to head it off, like get outside (sunlight), move more (exercise), help other people (being needed), even counseling or medication if that works for you. good luck! the brain weasels are not to be taken lightly, and I think you're dead-on right about the depression coming on causing your other troubles, rather than the other way around.

[carina (from livejournal.com)]

Hope the black dog stops snapping at your heals soon. Please take care of yourself.

If you still need beta readers, I can give it a whirl, too. :)